Saturday, January 15, 2005

Apparently I Wrote This One A While Ago And Never Posted It

Many offices have them. They think they are super suave and that the female engineer over in the B quad just can't wait for them to drop by (about a hundred times a day). They swagger with a misplaced confidence, smiling their off-white toothy grin at all members of the distaff gender as they pass. They are "Office Pimps". Look around, your office has one. You may be one.

Do you find yourself not getting any work done because you have to allocate enough time to each of your ladies that they not be disappointed? When was the last time you spoke to another man in your office building (which may consist of almost 90% males)? Did you stop going to bars because you were sick of being that creepy older guy? You probably still are.

My particular office pimp is always dazzling the ladies with his sparkling smile. I've never actually witnessed him doing any work. I'm not even sure he has a job. It is entirely possible that he just started showing up one day in the distant hope that eventually the law of averages would work out in his favor (as the number of women you ask approaches infinity the likelyhood that at least a small margin (statistical anomalies) will say yes increases). I have yet to see him not falsely concernedly asking a woman how her life is going (as though to suggest that it would be going much better with him). Often he laughs uproariously at his own jokes, in the vain hope that his barking laughter will be infectious. It is not nearly as infectious as his odor.

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