Monday, November 15, 2004

I Like to Eat Venison

I believe I have come up with an invention that may change the face of fresh venison as we know it.

Now, catapults having been around for thousands of years, it has to be assumed that we could make some hefty improvements on them with today's technology. I think, conservatively speaking, that we should be able to launch anything a minimum of three thousand miles. Currently the fastest a package can be delivered is overnight. The three thousand mile catapult could easily cut that down to a half hour or so (according to prominent physicists who spoke on condition of anonymity).

I know what you're thinking. If something is launched at such a high speed, what's to stop it from being atomized on impact at the receive zone? Well, herein lies the genius of my newest invention. Newton was the first to articulate the law that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Carl Anderson won a Nobel prize for confirming the existence of antimatter. In combining these two discoveries, I think it would be simplicity itself to construct and anti-catapult.

A catapult throws, therefore an anti-catapult must catch. And if the three thousand mile catapult has the force behind it to launch an object three thousand miles, the anti-catapult no doubt has the ability to absorb the energy such an endeavor would produce.

Since we've solved the issue of near-instantaneous coast-to-coast transport, we go on to applications. Naturally we would build pods in which to put humans desiring of a quick trip out to the opposite coast for an hour or two. But also consider this: In places like California, ridiculous laws and scarcity of deer make it difficult for a person to procure a delicious venison snack. With the three-thousand mile catapult/anti-catapult system, one could be thrown to say, Pennsylvania, kill a deer and have it heaved back to LA in time for supper.

I dare anyone to find flaw with this plan.

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