Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Oops, looks like I used up my entire entry answering Rob's questions.

First I'd like to address some questions that Rob Paisley posed as comment to my previous entry.

Why did I create this blog?
Riker made me do it. (See first post)

Why do I work for Boeing?
They pay me. Also, I hold out hope that employees get free WMD samples.

Why do I live in California?
The watching of various movies has given me the certain knowledge that a huge earthquake that will knock CA into the ocean is virtually inevitable, and will happen very soon. Upon the heels of said quake, I will be taking over as warlord emperor in the post-Apocalyptic era.

Have I ever been to the OC?
I live in Orange County. Although I've never seen the show, I will assume it goes something like this:
WHINY TEENAGE LOSER#1: I have a lot of money that my parents give me, and I drive a hot car, and I have a hot girlfriend, but life is really hard.

WTL1's DAD: I probably cheat on my wife/your mother. Even though she's hot, I like my hot intern. But rest assured, I am very conflicted about it, and I probably cry at night into my million dollar gold plated pillow.

WHINY TEENAGE LOSER#2: I wear glasses, which makes me the rich nerd. Sometimes I take them off, so prepubescent female viewers everywhere will realize that it's what's under the glasses that counts. This does not stop me from getting laid by hot chics, but I drive a crappy car as a statement of some kind. I don't know why.

WTL2's MOM: I'm a stressed out, rich single mother. I got a lot of money from a divorce settlement from a porn/drug lord and probably am a shameless drunk and/or am addicted to some sort of drugs and/or plastic surgery. To add humor to an otherwise "dramatic" show, sometimes I pass out in the pool.

Naturally, nearly everyone in real Orange County is totally like this. Except for the mexicans. And the non-rich people. And just about everyone else.

How much is gas?
Gas out here is actually free. You just drive up to the pump, smash it with your free gas card (i.e. pickax you "bought" at Home Depot), and fill up your tank. Sometimes, to spice things up we have gasoline fights while smoking free cuban cigars.

Kiwi:
Also known as the tiny gay pineapple. Some folks eat kiwi as part of a fruit salad, or a cheeseburger topping. Most people are aware of just how intensely explosive a kiwi is (or at least a kiwi hollowed out, then filled with dynamite), and they use them as a tasty hand grenade alternative. The success of these people can be measured by how many helicopters appear to be tracking their movements.

Feel free to pose any other burning questions you might have. And apparently, anonymous posting was not allowed on my blog. Well, good news for all you super spies who have a desperate need to remain incognito (or people who just don't want to sign up for blogs), you can now post as anonymously as a clown at a star trek convention.

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