Thursday, October 07, 2004

Einstein Was a Buffalo Steak Eating Champion

Today we consider the famous statement, e=mc2. Despite the popular opinion of the masses, this does not mean that folks whose names begin with 'e' get twice as much at McDonald's for the same price.

We'll start with the 'm'. The 'm' stands for mass. In order to make it more understandable, we'll equate mass with a buffalo. Because buffalo are big, and inarguably have a lot of mass.

Next, we have 'c'. 'c' is the speed of light. Light is wicked fast. Basically, you turn on the light, and there it is. The sun operates on a similar principle, but nobody has to turn it on. It is however, really quite speedy.

Since the speed of light is squared in this situation, we'll use the simple math principle of... I forget, but lets call it reverse variable multiplication to remove the squared dealie-kinosis. We then use this hallowed principle to incorporate the removed 'c' into 'm', giving us a number of buffalo equal to the speed of light. Which basically gives us a lot of buffalo. Our new equation is:

e = (a lot)m*c

So now 'e' is a lot of buffalo moving really really fast. What is 'e' you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked that question (or didn't). 'e' is energy. Energy is basically the thing that happens to you when you stick your finger in a socket. Therefore, we can say that energy is basically painful.

We have now conclusively proven Einstein's theory of e = mc2 because no one can deny that a lot of buffalo moving really very fast would probably hurt.

I'm happy to give additional free physics lessons to anyone who asks. If you would like to know the history of gravity, or how sauteed electrons are really quite delicious, all you have to do is send pies to the comment section below.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i miss you. and my puppy :-)

October 7, 2004 at 3:48 PM  

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