Thursday, September 30, 2004

Disease & Weight Loss - 1 Step to a Thinner You

So many crazy weight loss programs have been proposed in countless informercial etc. Sure, anybody can lose weight, but what most people don't want is the difficulty associated with staying on a healthy diet, and getting plenty of exercise.

Sure, you can be anorexic or bulimic, but who has the willpower to just stop eating altogether? And who likes vomiting constantly? Not me I say, and, statistically speaking, not you either.

I propose a new diet, based on thousands of years of history. Our ancestors didn't have a problem staying stylishly thin, and what has changed you ask? Well, for one thing, food is more widely available. But you don't want to move to Ethiopia with all the starving children your mother always held in such high regard at mealtimes, do you? I thought not.

So what else did our forebears have? Disease. Illness aplenty. Plagues abounding every time they turned around. So what can I do today, you ask? That's easy. Nothing. When you get sick, don't go to a doctor, in fact, you don't even have to get up off of your lazy ass. You can sit around watching TV on my diet. You can be a human wasteland. No need to try to eat only certain foods, take the buns off your burgers or subsist entirely on celery stalks and peanut butter. The only effort involved is in getting the disease of your choice. If you're not too picky, just go kiss a homeless person, there's sure to be ill consequences given that course of action. You must know someone with children, and kids are sick all the time. Go to your local elementary school and just see if you can't get all sorts of horrible ailments.

So as you can see, dieting can be easy and fun, all you need is a good disease. And maybe you could even get one with fun side effects, like rabies.

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